Scene from Confessions from the David Galaxy Affair (1979)

[00:00:00]Well... [00:00:01]And our first contestant for the title of Miss Beauty Bust [00:00:04]is gorgeous Sandra Gooding. [00:00:06]Sandra tells me that she plans to become an expert in foreign affairs. [00:00:10]Really, Sandra, why go abroad when you can find plenty at home? [00:00:14]And can I be the first, please? [00:00:23]This adorable creature has a name to match her figure, Gina Kirby. [00:00:27]Gina is consulted in a wristwatch firm and with an AM and a PF like hers. [00:00:32]I'm not surprised. [00:00:39]Our next entrant, Julia Shorthouse, [00:00:42]has a simple but praiseworthy ambition. [00:00:44]Julia wants to be the housewife. [00:00:46]Good for you, Julia. [00:00:48]And finally, lovely Angela Critten. [00:00:51]Angela says she has resigned her job as marriage guidance counsellor [00:00:55]because she's frustrated and wishes to find a new position. [00:01:03]Hello, David. [00:01:04]Councillor Pendleton, enjoy the show? [00:01:07]Oh, yes. [00:01:08]I think we have a good time. [00:01:10]I'm glad you're here. [00:01:12]I'm glad you're here. [00:01:13]Enjoy the show? [00:01:17]Don't buy your eyes. [00:01:26]Oh, hello, darling. [00:01:28]Now, listen, you did give Councillor Pendleton a good lunch hour, didn't you? [00:01:31]More like quarter of an hour, I'd say. [00:01:34]Yes, but he did enjoy himself. [00:01:36]Didn't he? Yes, yes. [00:01:37]Thank God for that. [00:01:38]Anyway, listen, it's all fixed and here comes Mr. Fix-It now. [00:01:41]Big smile. [00:01:42]I'll always spend with him. [00:01:44]Good luck, my dear. Thank you. [00:01:48]Don't be nervous. [00:01:50]That thousand pound cheque was already in your hot little mouth. [00:01:55]David, I don't know how to thank you. [00:01:56]Of course you do. [00:01:59]Afterwards. [00:02:04]Now meet Miss Beautybast, Beautiful Sandra Gill. [00:02:13]It's a wonderful emotional experience, Sandra. [00:02:17]Words have no place in a town like this. [00:02:19]Only dreams of things to come. [00:02:23]Well, you know what they say. [00:02:25]Whenever you get out of the business, you put back into it. [00:02:28]Afterwards. [00:02:30]Oh, what a night it's been. [00:02:32]Hmm. What a night it's going to be. [00:02:34]Hmm. [00:02:38]Now then, I wonder what my little prize is going to be. [00:02:43]That's right. Just hang on to me. [00:02:46]Yes, I suppose so. [00:02:49]Over here is what I do for a living. [00:02:55]I'm a doctor of astrology. [00:02:59]Stars and that. [00:03:01]Yes, the science of the stars and that. [00:03:06]What is your best sign? [00:03:08]Capricorn. [00:03:09]Oh, yes, Capricorn. [00:03:12]Venus and Mercury are both well situated in your chart. [00:03:18]Until the 26th. [00:03:21]Yes, but there's some action arising here concerned with your relatives. [00:03:27]My sister's having a divorce. [00:03:29]Mm-hmm. [00:03:33]Oh, yes, and love is very much to the fore. [00:03:42]I should have been an actor. [00:04:07]Not a Shakespearean actor, though. [00:04:09]I've never been very fond of the old bard. [00:04:11]I mean, it's a bit unbelievable, isn't it? [00:04:13]Fancy writing stuff like, all the world's a stage. [00:04:17]I mean, if it is, where are all the bleeding dressing rooms? [00:04:20]Anne was fine, though. [00:04:22]You might say even full of enthusiasm. [00:04:25]I endured it up to the point. [00:04:27]You see, I said to her, no, darling, you on top. [00:04:32]And after that, I had this ridiculous thought which almost ruined it for me. [00:04:36]I kept on hearing a bus conductor shout, room for one more on top. [00:04:40]Room for one more on top. [00:04:42]I think she went for the astrology kick. [00:04:44]It's more romantic being laid by an astrologer than a filing clerk, isn't it? [00:04:48]It's odd, you know. [00:04:50]A lot of people seem to think that people like me con money out of starry-eyed ladies. [00:04:54]Now, this is just about as true as the prime minister trying to persuade us that crime does not pay. [00:05:00]And we all know that the only way to stop crime paying is to nationalize it. [00:05:06]Oh. [00:05:18]A problem? So what? [00:05:20]Well, a problem with extra performance, and a bad performance is a waste of time. [00:05:27]So what's the problem? [00:05:30]The problem? [00:05:34]Well, my problem, my angel, walks around in a raincoat under the name of Chief Inspector Evans of Scotland Yard. [00:05:43]My problem, that is, not the raincoat. [00:05:49]Are you in trouble with the police? [00:05:53]Are you? [00:05:56]I don't know. [00:05:58]You see, he came to see me this morning, and he wanted to know where I was five years ago on June the 3rd. [00:06:08]How odd. [00:06:10]Let's not let Chief Inspector Evans spoil our evening. [00:06:14]Let's get down to the problems in hand. [00:06:18]But, listen, are you in the clear? [00:06:23]Of course. [00:06:25]You see, it just so happens that I keep a diary. [00:06:28]Ah. [00:06:29]So, five years ago, I met this nice little old man in a pub. [00:06:35]He was going to see his wife in hospital. [00:06:37]He got no chance for it, so I offered him a lift. [00:06:41]And I've got their names and addresses to prove it. [00:06:44]So, there's no problem. [00:06:49]What a handsome, good Samaritan you are. [00:06:55]Not really. [00:06:57]This wasn't doing anyone at the time. [00:07:19]Jesus Christ. [00:07:21]Holy mackerel, Lemos. [00:07:23]The gospel is true. I am sprinting. [00:07:25]You bastard. [00:07:27]Come on, love. It was an accident. [00:07:29]Get off me. [00:07:31]What's the bloody hassle? Everybody farts. [00:07:34]Oh, no, don't tell me. [00:07:36]I mean, everybody farts, but one. [00:07:39]You. [00:07:48]Come on, leave it. [00:08:18]Hey. [00:08:48]Hey. [00:09:18]Hey. [00:09:48]First the police, and now Miss Stride. [00:10:18]Ah, Susan, elegant, sophisticated, dignified. Every time we had it away, it was like making love with an accent. [00:10:37]That was a super dinner, darling. I'm so glad I came tonight. [00:10:42]That comes later. [00:10:48]Well, it'll just be about under Stride's orders. [00:11:07]Look at this. [00:11:12]Oh, so will I. [00:11:18]David. [00:11:20]Mmm. [00:11:34]David. [00:11:36]David. [00:11:39]David. [00:11:50]Mmm. [00:11:55]David. [00:12:11]Right. Okay, you got it? [00:12:13]Yeah. [00:12:15]Ha ha ha. [00:12:17]Oh, my goodness. [00:12:19]One more round. [00:12:21]That one. [00:12:23]One more round. [00:12:25]Oh. [00:12:27]Oh. [00:12:29]Oh. [00:12:31]Mmm. [00:12:33]Mmm. [00:12:35]Mmm. [00:12:37]Mmm. [00:12:39]Mmm. [00:12:41]Mmm. [00:12:43]Mmm. [00:12:45]Oh, my goodness. [00:12:47]Oh. [00:12:49]Oh. [00:12:51]Oh. [00:12:53]Oh. [00:12:55]Oh. [00:12:57]Oh. [00:12:59]Oh. [00:13:01]Oh. [00:13:03]Oh. [00:13:05]Oh. [00:13:07]Oh. [00:13:09]Oh. [00:13:11]Oh. [00:13:13]Oh. [00:13:15]Oh. [00:13:17]Oh. [00:13:19]Yes. [00:13:21]Yes. [00:13:23]Yes. [00:13:25]Yes. [00:13:27]Yes. [00:13:29]Yes. [00:13:31]Down. [00:13:33]Down. [00:13:35]Mmm. [00:13:37]Mmm. [00:13:39]Mmm. [00:13:41]Yes. [00:13:43]Come on, Marty. [00:13:45]Yes. [00:13:47]Yes. [00:13:49]Oh. [00:13:51]Yes. [00:13:53]Oh. [00:13:55]Oh. [00:13:57]Oh. [00:13:59]Oh. [00:14:01]Oh. [00:14:03]Come on. [00:14:05]Come on. [00:14:07]Mmm. [00:14:09]Mmm. [00:14:11]You never go there, no. [00:14:13]Oh. [00:14:15]Oh. [00:14:17]Oh. [00:14:19]Oh. [00:14:21]Oh. [00:14:23]Oh. [00:14:25]Oh. [00:14:27]Oh. [00:14:29]Oh. [00:14:31]Oh. [00:14:33]Oh. [00:14:35]Oh. [00:14:37]It's a risk. [00:14:43]I can't believe it. [00:14:45]You've actually made me come. [00:14:47]It was marvellous, David. [00:14:49]Fabulous feeling. [00:14:51]When can I see you again? [00:14:53]The night is still young. [00:15:55]Can you get free? [00:16:00]No. [00:16:03]Good. [00:16:05]Oh. [00:16:10]Oh. [00:16:13]That's a bit tight, that one. A bit tight. [00:16:16]Ha ha. [00:16:21]Oh. [00:16:26]Bit restrictive, though. It's very good. [00:16:31]Oh, yes. [00:16:36]Ah. [00:16:41]Oh, stop it. [00:16:46]Hey, where you going? [00:16:48]Look, what about me? [00:16:50]Don't answer the bloody door! I'm not an audience! [00:16:53]I feel really... I feel really...